He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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