just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
