Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
