Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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