Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
