Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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