I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's the barista slut.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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