I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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