Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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