Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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