im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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