Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pants are for mortals
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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