woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
