I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize