don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
