I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize