Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
