I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
