There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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