I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
