Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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