as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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