Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
