Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
