im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
