Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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