Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
