There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
