I only kidnapped one of them. chill
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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