Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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