i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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