He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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