Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
