apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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