It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
