But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
