I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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