apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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