I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
