The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
