I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
