i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
me + whiskey = a bad person
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
