whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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