Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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