Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize