Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
