I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize