'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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