Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
