i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize