you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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