I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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