Don't you send me to vm
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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