So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
