ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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