I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
