you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize