He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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