somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize