He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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