I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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