Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
