I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
