Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
