Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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