Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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