I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
