During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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