She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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