She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
