you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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