So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
