This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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