Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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