Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
