Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The beer is more important than you right now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
