happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize