I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
