And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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