His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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