No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im part way to drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
