apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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