Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize