thus making me awesome and them whores
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
