You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
