So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize