two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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