If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
