Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize