I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
