I need to stop coming to work sober
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
