Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
