you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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