Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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