well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
