Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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