I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
