the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize