Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize