So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
