So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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