Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
