I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she peed on how many people?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
