YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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